Some Random jokes

Avijeet · Post by **Avijeet** » Apr 6th, '07, 11:16

A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.

“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded. “No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either.”

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The following is an ad. from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY Notice:
For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice:
We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad. yesterday. It should have read:
"One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY Notice:
R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error that we made in the classified ad. yesterday. The ad. stands corrected as follows:
"For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice:
I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
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Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture.

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**Sponsor**

Avijeet · Post by **Avijeet** » Apr 6th, '07, 11:18

My alltime favourites:

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150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private
investigator - Alan Pinkerton for protection. That was the beginning of
the Secret Service.

Since that time, the US federal government has produced a large number of multi-letter agencies such as: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now they have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service".

Can't you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their
black outfits with jackets saying across their backs: F.A.T.A.S.S.

The FATASSs are of course supervised by a special section of the Home
Land Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office
Logistics Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.

Don't you feel safer already.
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Memo: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)

Memo: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)